Hi, and welcome to my website. This site was built to show my interests, keep track of my travels, and various other random things I've picked up over the years...
Feel free to look round, either for laughs or just to find out more about me and my outlook on... anything.
Some questions, to get things started. Bonus internet points if you get the where the questions came from.
There are a couple of ways to look through these questions. First is as a game, the questions go round a group, aiming for a short response, and you are not allowed to repeat your own answer. The second is for introspection. Ask yourself these questions each year as a metric to see how you are progressing through life. (Personal Note - original answer to these questions are from Nov 2016, with a decent update in Oct 2017 and continuing refinements since then (Latest Feb 2022))
These questions, if answered honestly, do not generally give 'nice' answers. Some of this will be due to impossible targets set by modern society. Some of it will be due just being human, and having an ego. Some of it is that these questions are not meant to be nice. To better understand yourself, and to improve yourself, you must first acknowledge your faults and shortcomings with full honestly.
The questions themselves are in bold, and I've added my interpretation of what the question is asking just under it. It's all too easy to give vague or purposefully oversimplified answers to these, and I want to avoid that.
Who are you?
How do you define yourself?
Through name? Family? Job? Achievements? Skills? Intents? Goals?
Who am I to myself? To close friends and family? To others?
What is your own definition of self and what do you take from others definition of you? How much of that 'others' definition do you accept?
Each of these answers is different, and all of these answers change throughout your life. Sometimes slowly as you grow, sometimes quickly through an intense experience.
Who am I... I am a quiet tinkerer, geek, someone who prefers the easy path but can push to the hard one (always like to at least see where the hard path is all the time, though that may be relative and only assumes two paths - probably wrong).
I like reading how stories come together, the intent of the author and the intent of the characters (for example, the difference between Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda Coda and how the series went on after the main writer was forced out).
A collector of science fiction and science fact trivia, the more obscure or cutting edge the better.
I try and take this pattern recognition and apply it to people. It's surprising the insights you can gain on people (I'm guessing due to most 'fleshed out' fictional characters having at least one real person as inspiration for them).
I am a watcher, a listener.
Does my family define me? No. They provided guidance on the paths available, gave opportunities for experience, but I am not defined by lineage.
What about work? So far this has actually been backwards. I have used my definition of self for finding work, and used it as environment to apply myself instead of allowing the role to dictate my life and desires. I am not 'my job'.
My achievements? These are a product of myself. I (try) not to do things just to inflate my ego or show off to others, however ego is part of the human condition so at least part of myself is defined by what I have accomplished. Achievements should be a legacy for who you have been, and not dictate who you are or who you are going to be (yay contradiction. darn.).
Skills are a result of your previous self. What you have learnt and kept (whereas achievements are results of the result of previous self, unchangeable and solely a product of your past self). Combined they can help define who you were, but not necessarily who you are.
My intentions are probably the best realisation of who I am now, but only when combined with how much drive and commitment there is behind them. This only works if intentions are able to be defined through reason and not through excuses (majority of reasons should be able to be shown before the intent. Excuses tend to rely on what has happened afterwards to hold up, which show lack of planning and therefore intent). Goals are longer term view on intents. They show who you are trying to be, or at least how you intend to become your next self.
Who am I to others? The quiet one, but not necessarily the 'quiet type' that needs to have an eye kept on them (at least not all the time). Good intentions, but occasionally needs a little more 'oomph' to meet all of them.
What do you want?
As opposed to what do I need.
Are these wants really mine, or what I think I want based on others expectations?
I want a life where the hard moral choices should not have to exist. Most of the hard moral choices seem thrust upon people by other people, and most of that is from the 'aggressor' being either uncaring or selfish.
Example: Should you boycott Company A because of its 'X behaviour/practices', or use/buy it because your boycott will make no difference to Company A (most people will still use it) or 'X behaviour' (most people are not in a position to strong-arm a company to change practices)
Should you have choose between two awful options because 'others' have decided that is all there is.
To me, it looks like an extension of capitalism: All choices made should be to primarily benefit you, regardless if that (small) benefit makes (many) other people (far) worse off.
I guess this translates to 'I want other people to stop being crappy to each other'.
I want to see a basic, universal care and standard of living that is open and transparent, hard to corrupt or misuse. I want a society where is ingrained as a basic right to be allowed to be yourself provided you are not demonstrably harming another.
I want a migraine free weekend (Has finally happened!)
I want to not feel alone, even when in a room full of people.
I want a lightsaber! (This has happened as well! Though not a 'real' one... yet)
Why are you here?
What do i believe my purpose is? What do others believe it is? What does the universe think it is?
I have always been here (sorry, couldn't help myself). I'm here because I'm still working out my place in everything, and what I can be. I'm here because I've pushed myself to be, but being honest, only far enough to reach vague short term goals based on fears on how results will be perceived. I am looking to change this.
In the greater scheme, 'we are the universe made manifest, here to explore itself'. So to have fun, be curious, and explore new experiences.
From others p.o.v., to be part of the local cog. Do enough work to keep the social machine going. Just one among many, all the same.
From the universe. That little dot believes it can think, that it has reason, just because it's figured out words. How precious. Oh look, another shiny.
Where are you going?
Are you heading towards your purpose, if you have one.
Is your path being changed so someone else can get to theirs easier?
Right now, nowhere. I seem to have reached a plateau in my development on most levels. Most of this is due to me getting complacent - see above to working on changing that. Some is due to being distracted (mix of own, and intentional from others). Right now I need to work out where I want to go, and work backwards from there. Updated Oct 2017 and at points throughout 2019 and 2020
From my initial write-up in November 2016, this answer has changed the most.
[2017: I have a new job where I'm not only bringing not insubstantial skills to the dept., but also a lot to learn and many different paths open for future development. Right now I'm focusing on learning the kit and processes, working out how best to integrate and expand on my previous tech-based experience. Still not sure quite where I'm going, but at least I'm now going somewhere and in a direction I'm enjoying.]
2020: New job again - through choice despite the difficult climate. Coming full circle, back to certification but from a different (and much higher) angle. This is going to be interesting!
Outside of work: my martial arts has picked up, and now I'm even more driven to improve my skills (being the first of my SiFu's students to pass the system's third level test has helped with seeing where I want to go here). My Scouting has started to pick up, and I'm now responsible for helping the older Scouts plan and run their own expeditions throughout the year.
On top of that I'm can now instruct beginners Archery and Tomahawk/mini-hawk throwing, with the intention of adding air rifle shooting and beginners Fencing to that list some point.
In early 2020 I volunteered to become the local group's Quartermaster, so my path in the group is becoming more defined.
In Sept 2020 I found myself volunteering to run the Odiham Endurance Explorer Unit that is now unofficially linked with the 100th Elvetham Heath Scout Group. This is being done with support from several leaders in the 100th EHSG group as well. I'm looking forward to see what activities they want to do (as Explorers is far more 'self led' than Scouts).
Update 2022! I've volunteered to help with Hampshire Scout Explorers/Network Suisse Adventure (two weeks at Switzerland's International Scout Campsite in Kandersteg), and Project 23 (Alternative to the World Scout Jamboree, organised for the WSJ applicants who didn't get a place in it)
Overall, I think I'm heading more after abstract goals than tangible milestones. My martial arts and Scouting paths are definitely my own, and while I have responsibilities with both I have chosen (even asked for) them. In both activities my path is not only set on improving myself, but a major part - probably even the majority of it - is helping others follow their paths through the activities.
Do you have anything worth living for?
The first external question. All the others are focusing on me directly, this is the big 'drive' question.
My cats, my family, a few close friends.
Learning new models [physics/mechanics/world-view], stories, skills.
Making a difference to how people grow up (Scouts, the kung fu kids/family classes I help at etc.).
<rant>
I believe there is currently too much emphasis is put on what you learn instead of how you learn. Learning by rote instead of understanding both the why, and the where [where to get the information, not just google but people as well]. Too much emphasis on enforcing 'tradition'* and reinforcing existing methods with no questions nor a critical view. Too much emphasis on making sure 'everyone wins everything', which diminishes the accomplishments of those who are better and those who are exceptional. And then after making sure everyone has won everything, demonstrating either through actions or words that only sporting prowess matters, or only slightly more open-minded that academic prowess is the only other alternative. Jock or nerd. No alternatives, no in-between.
None of this is right.
It is more than possible to enjoy physical activities without them having to be sporty or competitive. It is possible to not be sporty and not be academic. It is possible to be both, and it is possible to be neither and still be great at something. There's a massively wide range of skill sets for people to try outside of these two stereotypes, plenty of options for people to figure out both what they enjoy AND what they are good at. We need to stop pigeonholing people, and that's the driving ethos I strive for when working with youth.
If you want to make sure everyone has a decent chance to win (or be close to winning) something, then make sure you have a wide enough range of challenges to cover as many different types of intelligence as possible. Don't limit it to sports and factual-memorisation. Show that 'skill' has a wonderfully diverse range of applications.
Strangely enough it seems to be politicians that have worked this out, in that they are generally neither way inclined [sports or science] but are still successful. Though maybe that's more due to luck of being born into existing powerhouse families.
If the next generation is going to survive the current one they must be more than drones. They need to know how to learn new things, how to get on with people who are not like them, and both that there are winners and that no competition is equal (intelligence test, climbing trees - fish vs monkey...). If i can make even a small difference in this then that's better than just accepting a bleak inevitable future where people aren't people inside any more. Just existing, waiting to be people. They need to see the sky.
Massive bonus points if you get the reference at the end there.*Tradition. Noun. Something that is broken that either is not being fixed, or no-one wants to fix. Alt - Peer pressure from dead people.
</rant>
Whom do you serve?
Are my actions and decision my own?
How much of my life is really mine?
I am forced to serve the government, through work and through taxes. There is remarkably little choice here.
Through gratitude (help during my own youth, saving me from making a rather permanent mistake) I serve the Scout movement. The debt I have for the movement's existence and help I can never repay in full; so I do what I can, when I can, to the best of my ability.
Through expectation I serve the kung fu school I train at. Admittedly the weakest of my binds, however my continued voluntary assistance would cause noticeable short term issues for the school's kids and family classes if I were to stop with no notice. My pride of self would not let me put the school through that. I guess this paragraph would be more accurately started with 'Through pride' then.
Through responsibility of ownership - my cats. A choice made to become directly responsible for the care of other lives.
These last three I enjoy, and serve willingly.
I serve my housemate. Making time to suitably help round, make sure my weight is pulled, being aware (and helping) if he's struggling, and not unduly making issues for him.
My own curiosity. My need to learn more while not external as the question would initially read, is a part of myself that I must serve. There is a noticeable difference (at least to me) to how I feel, and how I act if I am not in a position to learn something new & interesting for any substantial amount of time. This is probably one of the greatest drives I have, and serving it seems a rather defining point of my being.
Whom do you trust?
Most of this question is based from the one above. Do I trust the people who have the keys to my decisions in their hands?
The most general answer - I can trust individual people. Organisations, less so.
Governments, corporations etc. I have little trust (or rather, I trust that they will act almost exclusively in self interest, regardless of consequence to others). This has sadly recently been proven overly true with the various debacles in the UK and USA over the last few years (2016-2020).
Scouts. I trust the local and regional levels. Above that the political red tape starts pulling on the intended direction of the charity (sometimes with good reason).
Kung fu. Yes. The school is small, does not worry about martial politics, and does not to this date obfuscate details or facts.
Cats. Cute fluffy balls of sharp pointy evil. Yup I trust them. To remember how they were treated in Ancient Egypt. And take over the world. Again.
My own Curiosity. Strangely, no. Sometimes it goes too far, things get close to obsessive about a subject. I need to keep an eye on it, and sometimes force myself to take a breather and just let things stabilise for a while.
Family. Yes. I am lucky enough to have a supportive, well meaning, and well actioned family. A good blend of logic, questioning, and thoughtfulness in all of them. All willing to give as impartial advice and help as they can to whomever may ask of it.