Randomness

This set of pages contains random things from the interwebs that have caught my attention... (and don't belong in links etc.)

Only proceed if you have a sense of humour (*slightly* twisted one does help)

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6 Requirements of an apology

Stolen from various web sources.

Expression of regret.
Explanation of what went wrong.
Acknowledgment of responsibility.
Declaration of repentance.
Offer of repair.
Request for forgiveness.

"I'm sorry, but..." is not an apology. It is giving an excuse and transferring blame away from them.

"I'm sorry you feel that way" (or 'that you misunderstood/misinterpreted' etc.) is not an apology. Someone else cannot apologise for your feelings.

The Narcissist's prayer

Thankfully I've managed to avoid people like this. If you notice this string of reasoning by people who have been 'wronged' then be wary...

That didn’t happen.

And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.

And if it was, that’s not a big deal.

And if it is, that’s not my fault.

And if it was, I didn’t mean it.

And if I did…

You deserved it.

If you do have to deal with people like this be aware of the following behaviours:

JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain This is for you. Don't do any of them. Circular logic will be used to reinforce their point of view. State your opinion or boundary clearly, but only once. They heard you.
Related to JADEing - 'No' can be a complete sentance. As can variations on 'Asked and answered' if someone is just repeating the same questions again and again in trying to get a different response from you.
DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim, and Offender. What a personality disordered person will do if you "catch" them in a lie or confront them with their wrongdoing. You end up the bad guy.
FOG - Fear, Obligation, Guilt. The result of manipulation by personality disordered people that clouds your judgment in dealing with them, especially those with close ties to you. The end goal/result being that you do not 'rock the boat', that you excuse behaviour that would not be tolerated if done by anyone else.
Rugsweep - pretending that some awful behaviour did not ever happen, and to carry on 'normally' without addressing it.
Lovebomb - thinking that material gifts (normally without an apology) will 'fix' a problem/argument (buying out forgiveness).
"That's just how I am"/"That's my truth" & variations - this is just an excuse to be an ass and not want to face the consequences of it. Turns out it isn't an excuse for rubbish behaviour, it just shows that they can't or won't function in polite society.
If someone "can't control themselves" with abusive behaviour towards you (blames you, or says it's just how they are etc.), take note of if they are just as abusive when other people are about, especially those they respect (family, doctors, police, church leaders, teachers, or just general public). If they can control themselves around them, they can control themselves when alone. They just chose not to.

Respect

Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority”

And sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person”

And they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay.

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